Preventing the Monster: Attack of the Bridezilla

We've all watched the shows and seen the crazy brides who throw cakes in the trash and take out their stress on unexpecting family members and we think "WOW that will never be me!" but I'm surprised by the fact that many of us turn into one anyway, sometimes without noticing. As I'm reminded by the many wedding books I own as reference, we often take out our wedding frustrations out on those we care about most - our fiancee, family and friends.

As you all know I'm in the process of planning my own wedding and doing my very best to stay sane and "un-zilla'd", so I thought that for all of you out there going through your own wedding planning (especially if you're nearing the wedding) it'd be a good idea for us all to review ways to stay "zilla-free".

1. Stay aware of the need and importance to not become a "bridezilla". The more we forget what our goal is, the more likely we are to consciously or unconsciously take on "zilla" ways. Becoming a bridezilla can not only ruin your wedding experience, but also the experience of your wedding for those around you. It's supposed to be a happy time!
2. Understand that while your wedding may be the most important thing to you right now, it is likely not the most important thing to friends and family. For example, your wedding does not come before a friend's big corporate presentation or your brother's state championship basketball game. Try to refrain from acting like if someone doesn't put your needs first, they're not doing enough.
3. Remember what is important. I, like many people, am extremely concerned about the look of my wedding and wanting everything to be perfect, because as a wedding planner I am judged by my peers on the quality of my work - they expect something amazing. But I also have to remember that if my flowers show up in the wrong shade of pink or my cake doesn't look exactly as I imagined it, that's ok too. In all reality, after your wedding night you probably won't care about any of those items anyway.
4. Become a clear communicator. Let friends and family know what is expected of them in their individual roles and any costs associated. If you want your bridesmaids to buy $200 shoes for your wedding you probably should have told them before you asked them to be your bridesmaid. If you're expecting your shy sister to make a toast at the wedding, give her ample time to prepare and even the ability to say no if it makes her too uncomfortable.
5. Money is tight today, so be aware of the financial needs of those around you. You may be able to afford fabulous bridesmaids dresses from top name designers, but your friends may not. So make sure that you give your friends options. I let my bridesmaids pick their own dress from any store they wanted, in any price point, with just the restriction of color, fabric, and length. This not only let them pay what they could, but also allowed them to pick out a dress they felt comfortable in. This also applies to simple things like overall wedding budget (if your parents are paying).
6. Take some time weekly (or daily if you can) to relax. The more you stay relaxed, the less likely you are to take your stress out on the people around you...most likely your fiancee (due to close proximity). I love bubble baths for relaxation, but another great outlet for some people is exercise. Burning a few calories not only gives you endorphins and makes you feel better, but you look better in your wedding dress for having done it. Going to a local tanning booth can help as well, especially if you're in a rainy dreary state like me which has a lack of natural sunlight (just remember to be safe..skin cancer is no fun).

These are just a few steps, and I'm sure there are many more out there. If you have suggestions or stories of when you (or someone you know) became a bridezilla that we could all learn from, please feel free to comment below.

Happy "Bridezilla-free" Planning!
~A