Inspired Bride's Color Inspiration

I am a frequent visitor of Inspired Bride, and I love how she takes a photo and shows you how you can make it into a color scheme to use for your event (well that's how I use it, you could really use it for anything, even decorating your house). Maybe you should look at photos you really like yourself (from magazines, online, your own photos, etc.) and see if that's a way to decide the color scheme for your wedding or event. I'm sure your man could even get in on this action. It's super easy!

Here are a few of my favorites from her site, but go check it out and pick out your own!

Photographer Spotlight: Melody Lewis Photography

Melody Lewis is a local photographer here in Oregon and a friend of a friend. When I found out she was looking to get her business up and running here I was happy to help in any way I could!

Unlike many other photographers, Melody has a degree in photography, with training in every style. However, she realized through school that portraiture was her favorite, being a mix of what she was good at: taking pictures and working with people. While she takes photos of everything from kids, to senior portraits, families, and more, I asked her to send me some engagement and wedding shots to feature.

Here are a few of my favorites!

If you are interested in booking Melody or just want to view more photos or get more information, visit her website HERE (Melody Lewis Photography) or email her at melodylewisphotography@gmail.com.

Handling the Blow-Up

Sorry guys for not posting as often. My boss and head of my department quit and I'm trying to learn as much as possible to fill his shoes, leaving me with no free time during the day, and being back and single again, I'm trying to be social and keep as busy as possible, so that has taken up a lot of my nights lately. But as my friend Kristin reminded me, she misses reading my posts, and no doubt a few of you do too, so I made writing one today my priority!

The topic today is not so much solely wedding-related, but totally necessary in the scheme of weddings and more importantly relationships. Wedding planning and weddings in general can and do create a lot of stress on you as individuals and on your relationship. You may find two people who have never had a big fight, having little spats each day just because of this stress. Just know that you are not alone. It's extremely common that in stressful situations you will each become a monster version of yourself and find it difficult to communicate. I'm hoping the following advice and tips will help you get through it.

The first thing to remember is that all of this fighting and bickering about the small stuff, or even the larger decisions is just practice for later in your relationship when you hit large obstacles. So any fighting you do now (if handled correctly) will actually help you handle things later on in your marriage. So don't stress that this is the end of your relationship please! Think of it as a dress rehearsal for something in the future.

The largest and most important thing to remember are the keys to communication. The fact is you can't read his mind and he can't read yours, and while things may go flying across the room, they don't come with an attached message that says "this is why I'm mad". The only way to understand each others' needs and wants is to talk about them. As stated in the The Knot's Wedding Guide, "voice your feelings clearly and not critically. Often the difference between a discussion and an argument is a matter of style."

These tips may help you communicate more effectively:

• Chill out before you begin discussing a sensitive topic. No one is reasonable when ticked off. Also remember that while you may cool down in five minutes, it may take him a whole day to get to that point. If you're not sure when the right time to talk may be, ask your partner if they're ready and willing to talk about it. If not, ask them to tell you when would be a good time.


• Adopt the same-side-of-the-table approach. Before you begin, say "this isn't you against me. If we're having a problem it hurts us both." Make the problem the enemy, not each other. It is important to realize that once you get married (and really even once you're engaged) you become a we not a "me vs. you" anymore. Solving your problems is in the best interest of you as a couple.


• Don't insist on solving a problem before you go to sleep. The later it gets, the more irrational people tend to get. Go to sleep. There will be plenty of time to fight in the morning and likely less inclination to do so. We often get caught up in the heat of the moment and if it's 12:30am, you're probably so tired your ability to think clearly and rationally is lower. This will just create a fight that lasts until 4am and leaves you unable to wake up for work in the morning. While I personally tend to want to argue my points right away, I have found that if I sleep on it, I'm much less likely to think it was really that big of a deal in the first place when I wake up. And maybe that argument really wasn't worth it in the first place...


• Write it down. Do you have a memory like me that finds you lose things with each passing second? Write down you're points and then when you're ready to discuss things you'll be able to make sure you get everything on the table. It can also keep you from interrupting each other, and help the communication to run smoother.


• ALWAYS use "I" statements, NEVER "you" statements. As a great therapist told me once, we argue about needs or wants, always. So start with something like "I feel X" and "I need Y" and I want "Z". Then allow your partner to do the same. Once you know what you each need or want from each other, then discuss a compromise, something that allows you both to get at least part of what you want, that way you don't leave the argument feeling like one person got their way and the other lost. PS arguments are not a game, no winners or losers.


• Repeat/paraphrase what your partner said back to them for clarity. Men and women do not think alike, so it's necessary to repeat what you think they meant and see if it really is what they meant. Often times you may explain something and he still won't get it. This allows us to each know that there is still a miscommunication and allows us the time to try to fix it before it becomes a misunderstanding or influences one's feelings. PS this also shows you're paying attention to what they're saying.


• Listen intently, with no interruptions, no attitude, no nonverbal communication that isn't appropriate, etc. If your fiancee is trying to explain how he feels and you just look mad and spend your time looking at the window and tapping your foot, he's going to believe you're not listening or not taking him seriously and it's just going to enrage him that much more. While you may not want to, try hard to stand there and really listen with an open mind and a peaceful attitude.

Here are some tips for fighting fair directly out of "The Knot's Complete Guide to Weddings in the Real World". Note some of the information from above was taken from this book as well.

1. No manipulative tricks like crying fits or stomping off. You're both adults--act like it.


2. If your sweetie says something that hurts your feelings, don't lash out with the meanest thing you can think of to say. Take a breath. And tell him he's hurt your feelings, instead.


3. Temper your honesty. Too much bluntness can cut deeper than sharp words. If you think her parents are stupid bigots, don't say so. Think of a way to address the problem their bigotry creates instead.


4. Always attack the problem, not the person. "I'm worried that this invitation wording will confuse people" is an issue you can address together. "What are you? Nuts?" is just an insult. No name calling--ever!


5. Don't ask for proof of love. Yes, your sweetie may make a sacrifice or decision to do something because she knows it will please you. But she'll do it voluntarily. Love is not a bargaining point. Sentences like "If you really loved me, you'd agree on a swing band" are not about love, but manipulation.


6. Recognize that it takes to to fight. It's almost never all one person's fault.

So hopefully these tips and pieces of advice will help you get through that next argument you come to in the wedding planning process. And using these tips/pieces of advice shouldn't end with your wedding day either; use these tools for communicating throughout the length of your marriage and I guarantee you'll be happier for having done so.

~A

PS the photo above comes from Blake James Photography.

Flower Favor & Escort Card

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I feel like a bad blogger. I have had about the busiest two weeks ever and just yesterday I found out the boss to my new job is quitting, so I'm gonna have to run the show once he leaves until they find someone else. Needless to say I haven't had much time to come up with a great post.

But I did find this on Martha Stewart Weddings lately and thought it might be a cute little inspiration piece for someone.

All you do is purchase some votive candleholders, then purchase the bulb of your choice (I recommend tulip bulbs in spring from the Wooden Shoe Tulip Company in Woodburn, Oregon) and place it in the candleholder with enough water to cover the roots. Then add paper blooms and a vellum seat assignment and you're all set to go. I think this would be perfect for a spring bridal shower, don't you? Or what about a garden wedding?

Click HERE for the printable templates and complete how-to's!

Engagement Photo Locations

(Just had to put this up because it's a picture they took of me working this wedding)

So I absolutely love a pair of local photographers named Bryan and Leah of Bryan Rupp Photography. I worked with them on a wedding last year and just can't explain how great they are, not to mention how fabulous their photos turn out. I was super excited when I saw they had recently posted up ideas of locations where you could get your engagement pictures taken on their blog. I'm pretty sure they'll forgive me for copying this off their blog, but a special "hope you don't mind" goes out to them right now! If you want to know the exact locations of some of these sites you will have to contact them directly. Visit here for their website or here to go directly to this post on their blog.

From Bryan and Leah:

This is for all you engaged couples out there who have pictures coming up! We’ve been collecting little brainstorms for a while now and tucking them away for just the right couple. You’ve heard it in real estate and it turns out to be true for engagement pictures too: location matters.

Here are some ideas to ponder. If you want dibs on one of these places, shoot Bryan an email. Or just use these to get your own creative juices flowing! The most important thing is to pick a place where you can really have fun together and show the unique side of your relationship.

1) Rambling back country: We’ve found a little route in the small towns of wine country. This would include an old gnarly tree, blackberry brambles, and some very cool crumbling buildings. If you like old rural charm and vintage/antique stuff, this could be for you!

3) Picnic: I’ve always wanted to do a picnic engagement session, complete with a checkered blanket. We’ve got a picnic basket too!

4) Tree house: I don’t know of one, but I bet there has to be a good tree house somewhere in the Portland area. This would be too much fun!

5) Porch swing: Does anybody have grandparents with an awesome old fashioned porch swing? Add some lemonade and this could be awesome.

6) Green house: I’m picture lots of rambling, growing things and beautiful sunlight.

7) Red Ridge Farms: This is a beautiful nursery in wine country (I think around Forest Grove) with lots of lavender plants.

8 ) Mississippi Ave: in Portland. If you like the city, but want something different from downtown, this neighborhood has lots of fun possibilities.

9) Beach with Sand Castles: This is pretty self explanatory, but would definitely have to involve plastic pails and shovels. Maybe even some of those cool sand molds and hopefully a hermit crab!
10) Camp fire: This could happen at the beach too, or somewhere else. Marshmallows should probably be involved.

11) U-Pick: Apples, strawberries, etc. This would have to be in the right season, but could be really adorable.

12) Secret Beach: We can’t tell you because ummm…well, it’s a secret! But if you want to have your picture taken here we will lead you there with blindfolds. Kidding. But seriously, this is an awesome place.

13) Antique Store or Flea Market: This could be really fun in the city or out. Western Oregon has tons of little treasure stores where we could find some great old furniture, picture frames, signs, bath tubs, who knows what!

From Me:

Ok have to add a few myself....or I'd be a bad blogger.

14) Carnival: You always get those little carnivals that come into your town once a year or you can wait for your local county or state fair depending on the time of year. A photo with you up in a ferris wheel or taking a bite off the same sno-cone could be the cutest photo-op!

15) A swimming pool: no joke I did actually see this done recently. Take pictures in your swimsuits (go for vintage ones to add some extra flair), play around in the water, and if you get the guts and a photographer who can do underwater shots play around with photos underwater. You will definitely surprise your guests!

16) A local park: I always had this idea that it would be fun to take pictures in the park downtown. A cute photo of him pushing you down the slide or you two sharing a tire swing or even the two of you squishing on a child's toy is bound to bring out your playful sides, and a super cute photo.

17) Train station: of course not all people have a vintage train stop near their home, but I've seen some great photos using vintage suitcases and vintage clothes, paired up with an old train car. Heck see if you can find an old military uniform and you could recreate a WWII type of feel.

18) I saw an engagement shoot where in vintage clothes (and you could do this in regular clothes too) the couple recreated all of the important moments of their life. They did a photo of where and how they met, what they liked to do, where and how they got engaged, etc. This way you get to actually tell a story with your engagement photos in addition to who you are as a couple.

If you have some additional ideas, email them to me and I'd be happy to post them. As always, my email is triedandtrueweddings@gmail.com.

~A

Just Ask Amber

I don't intend from now on that everyday will be a Just Ask Amber post, but I've been so busy with my new job and answering your questions is so easy and fun that I figured why not go for a third one? I must say that I am loving being able to interact with my readers and help all of you with your everyday wedding situations. As always, I invite any of you to write me at triedandtrueweddings@gmail.com with questions of your own. I usually get an answer to you within moments or a few days (usually only if it's a weekend do I take that long) and if it's a question I think other readers can benefit from I'm always excited to post your question and my answer up on the blog.

Today's Question:

I have a question about my guest list.

I'm getting married in the town that i grew up in, which my fiance and I now go to college in. We (and our parents) have drafted a potential guest list, but we have about double the amount of people that our reception venue will hold. We also want a smaller ceremony, but the fact that I have lived here for 22 years of my life makes it hard for me to cut people. I have a college family, a church family, and my real family, and so does my fiance. I don't know where to draw the line on who we should invite and who we shouldn't, especially because everyone is close to each other, and likes to talk. Are there any tricks or ideas on how to cut down my list without offending anyone who didn't get invited?

My Answer:

Oh gosh, that can definitely be tough! When we were creating our guest list, we each made a list of personal friends and family, then let our parents each make a list of their own, and this also provided for way more people than we had planned. Luckily, both our ceremony and reception venue would hold the overage of people, but we weren't sure we wanted to pay that much. So it was necessary for us to look at cutting people as well. Also, I grew up in and still live in a very small town. So I know what you mean by "people talk".

These would be my suggestions for cutting your guest list. Feel free to use all, some, or none:

• Cut anyone you or your groom hasn't met before. I know that my parents and his parents both added people we didn't even know. If this is the case for you, simply let them know that because you need to shorten the guest list, anyone you haven't met yet, just simply can't be important enough to be there. Certain exceptions like a distant grandparent or something may be an exception however.


• Do not invite anyone who isn't a close friend. Often we feel inclined to invite everyone we know who may be a "friend" of ours, including coworkers, neighbors, friends from the gym, etc. But if you wouldn't invite them to your intimate birthday party or they haven't shared in other big moments in your life maybe they're not right to come to this one. Like I said in a prior post, if you don't think you'll be friends with them still and keeping in close contact in 50 years they probably shouldn't be on the list.


• Take away the "and guest" option. Only those guests who are in serious/committed relationships or married (of course) are entitled to a guest. Anyone who is single or just casually dating is not entitled to a "plus one". We did this with our guests and it eliminated a good chunk of people because many of our friends are younger and not yet married or committed.


• Make an age limit on children: for instance no kids under twelve (you can set this to whatever you want). It's not always popular because this requires your guests to find a sitter for the evening, but if they'd have to for just a dinner out, why not for your wedding? To make this clear without being rude, simply write on the invitation Mr. and Mrs. Jones. A guest with any common sense should know this does not include "and family". We only invited the children of our best family friends and then everyone else invited was adults only.


• Many wedding books suggest A and B lists, and really you could even come up with a C list etc. Say for instance you can have 200 people at the wedding. In your A list, list who you would invite if you could only have 50. These obviously are the most important people in your life. Then list who you'd add if you could only have 100. Continue to list who you'd add with only 150. This should help you prioritize your friends. Once you have these three lists, use them to pick who you think should or shouldn't attend.

Also, remember that not everyone you invite will attend. I think you can count on about a 15% no-show rate, so feel free to include a few more than your venue can hold, just not too many. I know exactly how you both feel about wanting to include everyone, but just remember that no one will be angry with you if they're not invited (unless it's a really close family member maybe). If you explain to anyone who asks that you have only a small amount of people you can invite because you are limited on venue space they're likely to understand. And if in the end you just can't cut your guest list, you can always consider a larger venue to accommodate everyone.

Happy Planning!

~A

Just Ask Amber

Well it turns out that Just Ask Amber was a success and another bride has already asked me for help. Yay! Again, I think sharing your questions and stories (and my answers) will help other brides or couples facing the same challenges. So definitely keep sending your questions my way!

Today's Question:

I am having a few small wedding planning issues and I don't know what to do. We have decided that we want four people on each side (maid of honor and 3 bridesmaids). I have 7 sisters, obviously I don't have room for all of them so I don't want any of them in the wedding that way I don't offend anyone. I have decided on a couple of my closest friends from back home and my soon to be sister in law as three of the slots. I still have one open which I am sure will be filled quickly.

My fiance on the other hand says "guys don't ask each other we just know that we are going to be in the wedding." NO! That so does not work for me. I want to know who is going to be in my wedding in advance. He keeps saying I will ask them two weeks before so they have time to get fitted for their tux's. What the heck?! I don't want to wait until the last minute! I have tried to explain my frustration with him but its like he thinks that is just "how guys are." Is this really "how guys are?" What do I do?

My Answer:

I myself have a lot of siblings and we tried to have them all in our bridal party...super hard, so I think you're smart to skip trying to add in all 7 sisters. What I would do is try to include them in some way, whether it's helping out at the ceremony or reception or in planning bridal showers, etc. just so that they continue to feel special and needed. Plus a smaller bridal party definitely saves you money in the long run.

Now as far as the guys go, your groom is definitely wrong in his belief that asking his guys two weeks before the wedding is ok. While you may be able to try on tuxes two weeks before the wedding (that's cutting it way too close for me) there are other things to consider, like travel arrangements and boutonnieres, meals, not to mention that these guys should be involved in planning the bachelor party and helping your groom with the tasks you've asked him to complete for the wedding. Not to mention, the worst problem could be that your groom has friends who are now assuming they're in the bridal party because they're his friends but may not be when he actually has to limit himself to 4 guys. You certainly wouldn't want to cause any undue problems right before the ceremony.

If you know that just telling him these points doesn't work and you will need another option, I would suggest you make up a quick wedding website (readers see below) and tell him that you need to be able to list his groomsmen on the site for the guests to see and that you need each groomsman to submit a photo for the site of them with your groom. This will force your groom to a) name his groomsmen and b) let each groomsman know they're in the wedding so that they can send you a photo. The end result is you getting what you want, plus you gain a great resource for your guests with the addition of your own personal website.

As far as etiquette, most couples pick their bridal parties within minutes to weeks after their engagement, and for the reasons listed above, it is certainly against etiquette to wait so long to inform his groomsmen of their "pretty cool honor" in my opinion. I hope that any of this has helped. Most men are not usually aware of the rules of wedding planning but I hope that he begins to listen to you and if nothing else, does this just because he loves you and knows it's important to you.

**Readers: This bride did end up wanting to know a few ideas for great and free wedding websites. Here are a few of my personal favorites. They all have similar features, but I know the one thing I looked for on all of them was a template that fit my wedding theme (carnival) and most of these sites have lots of options. Another cool thing is that some of them offer the ability for your guests to RSVP online, which allows you to keep your wedding a little bit "greener" by not making all of those RSVP cards and cheaper by not having to pay for all the stamps! Good luck finding one that matches your needs. I'm sure it's out there.**

http://www.ewedding.com/

http://www.mywedding.com/

www.projectwedding.com/ourwedding (note: this is where I did mine)

http://www.momentville.com/

http://www.theknot.com/

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-websites.html

http://www.weddingchannel.com/

~A

Just Ask Amber

I try to promote the notion of my readers emailing me their own personal questions/problems/ suggestions at all times and on any subject, however I don't get a lot of responses. Hello! It's free advice people, lol. So I was super excited when a special soon-to-be bride emailed me with her dilemma. In the future, any time I get an email like this that I believe will benefit all of my readers, I will feature the question and my answer in the form of a post called "Just Ask Amber: Q&A". I hope hearing the answer to their question may answer a question you yourself were thinking or encourage you to email me your own.

The Question:

I am marrying my partner in November in the town where we live. I'm really excited about it, as are my coworkers. I work in a smallish office --- 25 of us in all. I'm on friendly terms with everyone, except one woman who works next to me. She's "that" coworker. Needless to say, I'm in a quandary about how to handle the issue of invitations at the workplace. One, I really would like to share the special day with some folks from work, especially those who have been supportive of me and my partner and accept us for who we are. Two, I really don't want to invite my annoying colleague. I feel terrible for wanting to exclude her, but she really drives me batty.

Should I invite everyone or no one? Or just the 5 people I actually like and am closest to? What do the etiquette gurus say about colleagues and wedding invitations? If I invite everyone from work, do I need to invite their spouses/significant others as well? My partner and I are trying to have a small ceremony due to budget constraints. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

My Answer:

There is no rule stating who you should or shouldn't invite from the workplace. It is definitely up to you whether you invite all of your coworkers minus the one or none or just your five favorites. What I would say is that you should get the addresses and such of those you want to invite via email and then make sure to send their invitations to their homes. This way no one you work with will know who is going to the wedding and who isn't, and if you try to keep the conversations minimal at work about who is invited then I think it should be fairly easy to not offend anyone.

As far as who you must invite along with your coworkers, the rule is that if you invite a coworker with a spouse or a steady bf/gf you need to also invite their significant other and both names would go on the envelope. However, if any of them are single or only casually dating you are not required to invite anyone else or put a "and guest" on the invitation. Do keep in mind though that if everyone you invite is married minus one person, you should probably give them an "and guest" just so that they have someone to talk to and so they don't feel uncomfortable being the only single person there.

Since you're having a small wedding one word of advice a friend gave me that I would pass on to you is, in thirty years who will you still be friends with? If this will be true of all of your coworkers minus the one, then invite them all, but it may help you to decrease your guest list if this isn't true for some of them.

Note: If you have a question you'd like an answer to, just email me (Amber) at triedandtrueweddings@gmail.com and I will respond right away. Happy planning!

~A