Just Ask Amber

I try to promote the notion of my readers emailing me their own personal questions/problems/ suggestions at all times and on any subject, however I don't get a lot of responses. Hello! It's free advice people, lol. So I was super excited when a special soon-to-be bride emailed me with her dilemma. In the future, any time I get an email like this that I believe will benefit all of my readers, I will feature the question and my answer in the form of a post called "Just Ask Amber: Q&A". I hope hearing the answer to their question may answer a question you yourself were thinking or encourage you to email me your own.

The Question:

I am marrying my partner in November in the town where we live. I'm really excited about it, as are my coworkers. I work in a smallish office --- 25 of us in all. I'm on friendly terms with everyone, except one woman who works next to me. She's "that" coworker. Needless to say, I'm in a quandary about how to handle the issue of invitations at the workplace. One, I really would like to share the special day with some folks from work, especially those who have been supportive of me and my partner and accept us for who we are. Two, I really don't want to invite my annoying colleague. I feel terrible for wanting to exclude her, but she really drives me batty.

Should I invite everyone or no one? Or just the 5 people I actually like and am closest to? What do the etiquette gurus say about colleagues and wedding invitations? If I invite everyone from work, do I need to invite their spouses/significant others as well? My partner and I are trying to have a small ceremony due to budget constraints. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

My Answer:

There is no rule stating who you should or shouldn't invite from the workplace. It is definitely up to you whether you invite all of your coworkers minus the one or none or just your five favorites. What I would say is that you should get the addresses and such of those you want to invite via email and then make sure to send their invitations to their homes. This way no one you work with will know who is going to the wedding and who isn't, and if you try to keep the conversations minimal at work about who is invited then I think it should be fairly easy to not offend anyone.

As far as who you must invite along with your coworkers, the rule is that if you invite a coworker with a spouse or a steady bf/gf you need to also invite their significant other and both names would go on the envelope. However, if any of them are single or only casually dating you are not required to invite anyone else or put a "and guest" on the invitation. Do keep in mind though that if everyone you invite is married minus one person, you should probably give them an "and guest" just so that they have someone to talk to and so they don't feel uncomfortable being the only single person there.

Since you're having a small wedding one word of advice a friend gave me that I would pass on to you is, in thirty years who will you still be friends with? If this will be true of all of your coworkers minus the one, then invite them all, but it may help you to decrease your guest list if this isn't true for some of them.

Note: If you have a question you'd like an answer to, just email me (Amber) at triedandtrueweddings@gmail.com and I will respond right away. Happy planning!

~A