Just Ask Amber

I don't intend from now on that everyday will be a Just Ask Amber post, but I've been so busy with my new job and answering your questions is so easy and fun that I figured why not go for a third one? I must say that I am loving being able to interact with my readers and help all of you with your everyday wedding situations. As always, I invite any of you to write me at triedandtrueweddings@gmail.com with questions of your own. I usually get an answer to you within moments or a few days (usually only if it's a weekend do I take that long) and if it's a question I think other readers can benefit from I'm always excited to post your question and my answer up on the blog.

Today's Question:

I have a question about my guest list.

I'm getting married in the town that i grew up in, which my fiance and I now go to college in. We (and our parents) have drafted a potential guest list, but we have about double the amount of people that our reception venue will hold. We also want a smaller ceremony, but the fact that I have lived here for 22 years of my life makes it hard for me to cut people. I have a college family, a church family, and my real family, and so does my fiance. I don't know where to draw the line on who we should invite and who we shouldn't, especially because everyone is close to each other, and likes to talk. Are there any tricks or ideas on how to cut down my list without offending anyone who didn't get invited?

My Answer:

Oh gosh, that can definitely be tough! When we were creating our guest list, we each made a list of personal friends and family, then let our parents each make a list of their own, and this also provided for way more people than we had planned. Luckily, both our ceremony and reception venue would hold the overage of people, but we weren't sure we wanted to pay that much. So it was necessary for us to look at cutting people as well. Also, I grew up in and still live in a very small town. So I know what you mean by "people talk".

These would be my suggestions for cutting your guest list. Feel free to use all, some, or none:

• Cut anyone you or your groom hasn't met before. I know that my parents and his parents both added people we didn't even know. If this is the case for you, simply let them know that because you need to shorten the guest list, anyone you haven't met yet, just simply can't be important enough to be there. Certain exceptions like a distant grandparent or something may be an exception however.


• Do not invite anyone who isn't a close friend. Often we feel inclined to invite everyone we know who may be a "friend" of ours, including coworkers, neighbors, friends from the gym, etc. But if you wouldn't invite them to your intimate birthday party or they haven't shared in other big moments in your life maybe they're not right to come to this one. Like I said in a prior post, if you don't think you'll be friends with them still and keeping in close contact in 50 years they probably shouldn't be on the list.


• Take away the "and guest" option. Only those guests who are in serious/committed relationships or married (of course) are entitled to a guest. Anyone who is single or just casually dating is not entitled to a "plus one". We did this with our guests and it eliminated a good chunk of people because many of our friends are younger and not yet married or committed.


• Make an age limit on children: for instance no kids under twelve (you can set this to whatever you want). It's not always popular because this requires your guests to find a sitter for the evening, but if they'd have to for just a dinner out, why not for your wedding? To make this clear without being rude, simply write on the invitation Mr. and Mrs. Jones. A guest with any common sense should know this does not include "and family". We only invited the children of our best family friends and then everyone else invited was adults only.


• Many wedding books suggest A and B lists, and really you could even come up with a C list etc. Say for instance you can have 200 people at the wedding. In your A list, list who you would invite if you could only have 50. These obviously are the most important people in your life. Then list who you'd add if you could only have 100. Continue to list who you'd add with only 150. This should help you prioritize your friends. Once you have these three lists, use them to pick who you think should or shouldn't attend.

Also, remember that not everyone you invite will attend. I think you can count on about a 15% no-show rate, so feel free to include a few more than your venue can hold, just not too many. I know exactly how you both feel about wanting to include everyone, but just remember that no one will be angry with you if they're not invited (unless it's a really close family member maybe). If you explain to anyone who asks that you have only a small amount of people you can invite because you are limited on venue space they're likely to understand. And if in the end you just can't cut your guest list, you can always consider a larger venue to accommodate everyone.

Happy Planning!

~A

Just Ask Amber

Well it turns out that Just Ask Amber was a success and another bride has already asked me for help. Yay! Again, I think sharing your questions and stories (and my answers) will help other brides or couples facing the same challenges. So definitely keep sending your questions my way!

Today's Question:

I am having a few small wedding planning issues and I don't know what to do. We have decided that we want four people on each side (maid of honor and 3 bridesmaids). I have 7 sisters, obviously I don't have room for all of them so I don't want any of them in the wedding that way I don't offend anyone. I have decided on a couple of my closest friends from back home and my soon to be sister in law as three of the slots. I still have one open which I am sure will be filled quickly.

My fiance on the other hand says "guys don't ask each other we just know that we are going to be in the wedding." NO! That so does not work for me. I want to know who is going to be in my wedding in advance. He keeps saying I will ask them two weeks before so they have time to get fitted for their tux's. What the heck?! I don't want to wait until the last minute! I have tried to explain my frustration with him but its like he thinks that is just "how guys are." Is this really "how guys are?" What do I do?

My Answer:

I myself have a lot of siblings and we tried to have them all in our bridal party...super hard, so I think you're smart to skip trying to add in all 7 sisters. What I would do is try to include them in some way, whether it's helping out at the ceremony or reception or in planning bridal showers, etc. just so that they continue to feel special and needed. Plus a smaller bridal party definitely saves you money in the long run.

Now as far as the guys go, your groom is definitely wrong in his belief that asking his guys two weeks before the wedding is ok. While you may be able to try on tuxes two weeks before the wedding (that's cutting it way too close for me) there are other things to consider, like travel arrangements and boutonnieres, meals, not to mention that these guys should be involved in planning the bachelor party and helping your groom with the tasks you've asked him to complete for the wedding. Not to mention, the worst problem could be that your groom has friends who are now assuming they're in the bridal party because they're his friends but may not be when he actually has to limit himself to 4 guys. You certainly wouldn't want to cause any undue problems right before the ceremony.

If you know that just telling him these points doesn't work and you will need another option, I would suggest you make up a quick wedding website (readers see below) and tell him that you need to be able to list his groomsmen on the site for the guests to see and that you need each groomsman to submit a photo for the site of them with your groom. This will force your groom to a) name his groomsmen and b) let each groomsman know they're in the wedding so that they can send you a photo. The end result is you getting what you want, plus you gain a great resource for your guests with the addition of your own personal website.

As far as etiquette, most couples pick their bridal parties within minutes to weeks after their engagement, and for the reasons listed above, it is certainly against etiquette to wait so long to inform his groomsmen of their "pretty cool honor" in my opinion. I hope that any of this has helped. Most men are not usually aware of the rules of wedding planning but I hope that he begins to listen to you and if nothing else, does this just because he loves you and knows it's important to you.

**Readers: This bride did end up wanting to know a few ideas for great and free wedding websites. Here are a few of my personal favorites. They all have similar features, but I know the one thing I looked for on all of them was a template that fit my wedding theme (carnival) and most of these sites have lots of options. Another cool thing is that some of them offer the ability for your guests to RSVP online, which allows you to keep your wedding a little bit "greener" by not making all of those RSVP cards and cheaper by not having to pay for all the stamps! Good luck finding one that matches your needs. I'm sure it's out there.**

http://www.ewedding.com/

http://www.mywedding.com/

www.projectwedding.com/ourwedding (note: this is where I did mine)

http://www.momentville.com/

http://www.theknot.com/

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-websites.html

http://www.weddingchannel.com/

~A

Just Ask Amber

I try to promote the notion of my readers emailing me their own personal questions/problems/ suggestions at all times and on any subject, however I don't get a lot of responses. Hello! It's free advice people, lol. So I was super excited when a special soon-to-be bride emailed me with her dilemma. In the future, any time I get an email like this that I believe will benefit all of my readers, I will feature the question and my answer in the form of a post called "Just Ask Amber: Q&A". I hope hearing the answer to their question may answer a question you yourself were thinking or encourage you to email me your own.

The Question:

I am marrying my partner in November in the town where we live. I'm really excited about it, as are my coworkers. I work in a smallish office --- 25 of us in all. I'm on friendly terms with everyone, except one woman who works next to me. She's "that" coworker. Needless to say, I'm in a quandary about how to handle the issue of invitations at the workplace. One, I really would like to share the special day with some folks from work, especially those who have been supportive of me and my partner and accept us for who we are. Two, I really don't want to invite my annoying colleague. I feel terrible for wanting to exclude her, but she really drives me batty.

Should I invite everyone or no one? Or just the 5 people I actually like and am closest to? What do the etiquette gurus say about colleagues and wedding invitations? If I invite everyone from work, do I need to invite their spouses/significant others as well? My partner and I are trying to have a small ceremony due to budget constraints. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

My Answer:

There is no rule stating who you should or shouldn't invite from the workplace. It is definitely up to you whether you invite all of your coworkers minus the one or none or just your five favorites. What I would say is that you should get the addresses and such of those you want to invite via email and then make sure to send their invitations to their homes. This way no one you work with will know who is going to the wedding and who isn't, and if you try to keep the conversations minimal at work about who is invited then I think it should be fairly easy to not offend anyone.

As far as who you must invite along with your coworkers, the rule is that if you invite a coworker with a spouse or a steady bf/gf you need to also invite their significant other and both names would go on the envelope. However, if any of them are single or only casually dating you are not required to invite anyone else or put a "and guest" on the invitation. Do keep in mind though that if everyone you invite is married minus one person, you should probably give them an "and guest" just so that they have someone to talk to and so they don't feel uncomfortable being the only single person there.

Since you're having a small wedding one word of advice a friend gave me that I would pass on to you is, in thirty years who will you still be friends with? If this will be true of all of your coworkers minus the one, then invite them all, but it may help you to decrease your guest list if this isn't true for some of them.

Note: If you have a question you'd like an answer to, just email me (Amber) at triedandtrueweddings@gmail.com and I will respond right away. Happy planning!

~A

Vintage Outdoor Wedding Inspiration Board

As I promised, here is the second inspiration board...hope you enjoy! For me it symbolizes the perfect outdoor, vintage-chic wedding you could have. I just love the mustard yellow with the orange and red!

The pictures in this inspiration board came from: Casey and Natalie (the outdoor ceremony site), Green Wedding Shoes (the bride in the sweater and the string and nails invite), Ruffled (the two floral photos on the first row and the shoes photo) and more. If your picture has not been properly attributed, please let me know and I will fix it right away.

P.S. I have had two family members in the hospital this week and it reminds me of two things: 1) hug everyone you love while you still have the time and make sure they know how much you love them; 2) do your part in helping people survive health problems--give blood! I just did today (as I do every 8 weeks) and it really makes you feel like you've done your part to give back. I have the tiniest veins and I'm super petite, but it's well worth an hour of my time. For more information on giving blood, visit the American Red Cross's website.

Citrus Inspiration Board

I've seen a lot of citrus used in weddings lately, so I thought I would create an inspiration board to give you a few ideas of how you could use citrus fruits in your wedding.


The pictures above come from the following sites: Amorology Weddings (table in garden, fruit on plate, couple holding hands), Design Sponge (arrangement in middle of board), The Knot (lime centerpiece and lemon centerpiece), Project Wedding (arrangement with lemons in bottom), JL Designs (beautiful arrangement on bottom), and more. If your picture has not been properly attributed, please let me know and I will remedy it immediately. Thanks.

Stay tuned for another great inspiration board tomorrow!

I look forward to having someone I can do this for...

Don't you?!

Or if you already have him, show him you love him with this easy craft.

Photo courtesy of Twig and Thistle.

Rose Hair Barrettes Tutorial

I was over at Twig and Thistle's blog today and found the greatest DIY idea and tutorial created by The Purl Bee. In a few simple steps and with a few pieces of wool felt and some embroidery thread you can make this totally cute hair barette. For all of those vintage and eclectic weddings which are so popular right now, this might just be a great addition for your bridesmaid's hair or even your own.


And for those of you who aren't crafty or the sewing type, The Purl Bee has step-by-step instructions complete with photos. So if I think I might be able to pull it off I think you can too!

Last Night's ISES/Sasha Souza Event Recap

I grew up watching her plan amazing weddings on "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" years ago, but if you're not familiar with Sasha Souza you definitely should be! She plans some of the greatest, most innovative celebrity and high profile weddings and I guarantee you've come across photos of her work on a multitude of wedding blogs. Remember that photo wall with the squares cut out of it and frames hanging around them with people kissing through? That was her idea! Last night she was the guest speaker of ISES (the International Special Events Society) and because I can't afford to be a member (with regular dues) and attend each monthly meeting, I paid $45 to get to hear professional advice from a Master Bridal Consultant, one of only a few named that by ABC (the Association of Bridal Consultants).

First of all, let me tell you that she is a spitfire. She's super outgoing and opinionated and totally funny, just as you would expect from any fiery redhead. I think the one piece of advice I will take most from her is the belief that people pay you for your opinion, and she certainly gives hers freely. She spoke with all of us regarding the current trends in weddings and colors and ideas. Most of it was things I already knew, but in some cases she took it to the next level, which was really nice. I'm super excited to get to use that knowledge in upcoming weddings I plan or even just in inspiration boards in the future. I was also really glad that she puts a high priority on innovation and new ideas. That has always been my goal, giving the couple something they couldn't find anywhere else.

After her great speech I got to go up and meet her, chat a little bit about blog sites (as she's not in love with her typepad right now..I don't blame her), and got her to sign my copy of her book. If you haven't gotten a chance to even just look at her book yet you certainly should. It's full of amazing pictures which are sure to give you ideas or inspiration for your own wedding. You can buy the book online at Amazon.com for a really good price (that's what I did) or you can get an autographed copy through her website for $50. Since I now have autographed wedding books from both Sasha and Mindy Weiss, I'm thinking I might make a goal of it to start getting all of the major celebrity big-name planners to sign their books for me and keep it as a collection. That'll likely take me awhile unless I become some big hot shot planner, but it's something fun to look forward to maybe.

In addition to letting you know about the event, I wanted to let you know about the venue. It's called the Leftbank Annex and it was such an awesome place! I'd never heard about it before, so I'm figuring many of you haven't either. It's a large warehouse-type building which used to hold WWII planes back in the day and it's located right across from the Rose Garden. When you walk in you can go up the stairs to a giant space, complete with an elevated stage and an additional level of rooms (this is where our event was) or you can go downstairs for an additional large space and the bathrooms. I loved the downstairs because it had an area which could easily be a long ceremony area and then an adjoining room perfect for a reception of 200 or so. Upstairs I'm sure can hold about 1,000 or so. They have preferred vendors, many of which were at the event, and the food prepared by Bon Appetit was extremely fancy! It's certainly not your venue if you want something with a lot of personality and natural decor, but it definitely is if you like things that look urban or could be easily turned into anything you want through use of pipe/drape and/or lighting. I must tell you that the highlight for many (as personally witnessed) was the hand air drying machine in the bathroom which blows with extreme power and is certainly eco-friendly. My only caution about the venue would be to check with them regarding parking. For the event they arranged to open up one of the Rose Garden parking lots and we simply paid $5 to park and walked across the block. If they have a memo of understanding with the Garden maybe you can do that as well, but if not, there certainly aren't a lot of spots nearby for your guests to park.

Anyway it was a long night and it's been a long work day so that's it for now, but I do have two great inspiration boards to share with you in the next two days so keep an eye out! You won't want to miss them.

~A